The god babies and bingo

Sonogram photo in the middle 

6 week sonogram

All went well and baby is growing on target at .25 cm.  The heartbeat is 117 which is great.

My uterus is the right size same with yolk sac, etc.

My ovaries are still swollen from the egg harvesting but they aren't too big so I'm not at risk for ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome.

Risk of miscarriage is 5% now.

The dizziness is normal and there is nothing that can be done for it.  So ill just be more careful.

I just fell down

Randomly outside my office .  I was with a coworker who helped me up.  Left thigh, right inside knee and left boob hit the pavement.

I have sonogram tomorrow so I'll know more then.

I feel okay.

I am in flats.

6 week update

Bingo is now the size of a sweet pea about .25 inches big.  Nose, eyes, ears, chin and cheeks are beginning to develop.

I am having a major case of baby brain and exhaustion.

The exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks last week  and instead of waking up at 5 am with vim and vigor - I sleep through two alarms and am dragging all day.

The baby brain has now caused me to leave the headlights on and drain the battery; think I had my pregnancy drugs stolen - I found them in the office kitchen; many moments of why did I walk in here; where is the "insert any item" and 10 minutes later of looking I find it in my hand.  I've also left the car running and got out and wondered where my keys were.

But on the plus side I haven't fallen down.

6 week sonogram is on Friday morning.  That should put me more in the clear.

Photos will be posted as soon as I can post.

I'm now debating midwives or OBGYN.

New Blood Update

My HCG is rising in a normal fashion.

It is now 3,380 which means its doubled in 75 hours. 


The next doctor's visit will be a sonogram on the 20th. 

Hopefully at that visit I will be able to see:
Where the embryo is in my uterus
A heartbeat
The sac
The shape of the embryo

It should give us an idea of how growth is going and help determine the risk level for miscarriage.

An update

I am feeling fine, just a bit tired and nauseous.

But last night Oy!!!!!

Two things went wrong 

1. I left the headlights on when I was tutoring.  Annoying but I have a mobile battery charger now so I charged it up and night and walked to my car and jumped it.  Annoying but not a big deal.

2.  But I also left the car unlocked which means the pregnancy Meds I have in th back of my car in a nice fedex box were stolen.'

Turns out I left the box in my office kitchen.  OMG!

Argh.

I have reordered one med that needs to be fed exed.  Thankfully a friend has Meds to get me through tonight.  The other comes from cvs.

I'm trying to cancel the Fed Ex order and then I'll call CVS so they can undo the refill.

The Meds are important to prevent miscarriage.

More blood work today to make sure Bingo is growing properly.

Blood work back - and its 2181

I'm pregnant.

I'm 5 weeks along and feeling fine - a little nauseous.

2181 is a good strong number so things are looking good.

I need to double check my blood in two day just to make sure the HSG is rising right.

If you are reading this please keep it quiet on Facebook or in public until Feburary 4th.  I'll post when I'm out of the closet.

Oh and some additional fun facts

Right now Bingo is the size of an apple seed.
And I'm due August 13, 2014. 

Now that's a double line

Blood still confirms on Wednesday 

Blood test scheduled for 12/11 at 7:45 am

I should have the results by 4 pm and I will post on line.

Shady Grove requires three blood tests - so the second one will be 12/13 and the third 12/15.

They need to see that my HCG is rising at the right rate.  Remember last pregnancy it didn't rise the way it's supposed it.  It should double every 2 days.

But the double line getting darker is a good sign and there are no reasons to think that this won't stick.

I started getting a wave of nasuea once a day since Monday.  I almost threw up this morning - so that's a good thing.

For those wondering - I didn't have to have assisted hatching.  Exciting.

Yes I've been testing early

Shady Grove told me not to test at home every.  The doctor said I could start two weeks after the egg harvesting (Wed, Dec 4).

But two SMC friends said I could 5 days post embryo transfer so I did.

And the line is getting darker which is good.

Nothing is confirmed confirmed until the blood test December 11th.  And even then Shady Grove does two other tests.

But a double line is a double line until it's not.

4 embryos froze today

Hopefully that will be one of Bingo's siblings (Banjo) and Bingo is attaching and growing inside me.

If Bingo stuck - I'm 3 weeks today.

Isn't science amazing - it gives me a 2 week head start.

I will start taking urine tests on the 4th. The official blood work test will be the 11th.

Transferring Bingo?

The transfer went really well.  The whole thing took about 10 minutes - it took a lot longer to drive there and back.

Here are the photos.  The big deal one is last.

The date we know if everything works will be December 10th (blood test).  

1. Me waiting for my ride - the wonderful and pregnant MM.

2. Me waiting for instructions in the transfer room

3. My patient sign 

4. What I wore (yeah I went photo happy - it helped occupy the wait times).

5. The screen I stared at during the process

6. This is the embryo they transferred into me. Is this Bingo?  

The embryo stats.  This one was double A good (the highest ranking they have).

Two embryos are being frozen today and the other 9 are being watched.  The ones that make it to blastocysts will go to the deep freeze on Wednesday.

Embryo in me!

Longer update later.  About to inhale a ton of pineapple and drive home.

Embryo in me!

Longer update later.  About to inhale a ton of pineapple and drive home.

Amazing news on day 3

I still have all 12 embryos and they are growing nicely.

Two of them are growing slowly - only 8 cells.

8 are almost to blastocyst (that is the goal for a higher rate of implantation)

2 will be at blastocyst tomorrow.  So they will be mega strong on Monday.

My transfer will be Monday morning at 9:30 am.  And then I'm on bed rest for 24 hours :)

Follow up call from doctor

She wanted to make sure I got a call.  

Still 12 strong embryos, no fragments, symmetrical size, and all 2-4 cells.

Now I could looks a few because at this point they aren't as controlled by the fertility clinic.  But she thinks mine look nice and healthy and I should have a healthy, easy transfer and have a few siblings to freeze.

The soreness is still there and it hurts to walk so cancelled my evening plans.  But  feet up, heat pads and rest should make it all better.

The doctor asked how I was feeling and I said a little nervous because I know this is going to work.  And said she feels that way too.

Day 2 update

I still have 12 embryos dividing and multiplying.  

My transfer will be Monday (time will be determined tomorrow).

I will also find out tomorrow the quality of the embryos.

I'm still sore but I'm resting at home today.

Egg Update - Great News!

21 eggs taken out of me

15 matured

12 fertilized successfully 

This is fantastic.  I should find out soon about quality and what day the single embryo will be transferred.

Still sore

I slept peacefully through the night. I can't sleep on my side because it just hurts too much and that is how I normally sleep.

But I am a lot better than yesterday.

Going to get some food at sticky fingers and then bed rest.

Harvest went well

21 eggs!!! Yeah wow.

All won't survive until tomorrow but it's a good harvest.

I'm in a ton of pain, I'm sore and very tender.  It hurts to move. Just took the Vicodin. 

Me before egg retrieval

Egg Harvesting I will go!

So yesterday was a work stressful day so no updates.  But I do have good news.

My blood work shows that I responded to the trigger shot and everything should be clear sailing.

My procedure to take the eggs out will be at 9:15 am in Rockville.  I have another SMCer taking me.


I also spoke to the doctor yesterday.  She wanted to make sure I wasn't surprised by anything that will happen tomorrow.  This was good.  She said I responded better than average for someone my age to the meds.  I have a good amount of eggs (16) and she thinks that I will have a 5 day embryo transfer.  A 5 day transfer gives me better odds of it sticking.

Based on everything she can see before the eggs are out - she thinks I will have a lot of mature eggs to be fertilized and that they should take to the fertilization well.

I should be home by noon and plan on doing nothing but sleeping today.  I am off from work and plan on chilling out and watching funny things.  If you are local feel free to stop by.

The embryo transfer should be Monday.

I will be posting on here the update about the eggs and how things are developing.  While they should be able to get 16; 16 fertilized eggs will not make it to day 5; quality will change; etc.

Trigger shot done!

I did my trigger shot tonight at exactly 9:15 pm.  My egg harvesting will be Wednesday at 9:15 am.

I am very very grateful to a fellow SMC TTCer (trying to conceive) that will be taking me in the morning.  She has to pick me up at 7 and wait the whole time.  It's a big ask and I'm very grateful.

I should be out of commission all day Wednesday and then chilling out on Thursday at home.

The embryo transfer (assuming the eggs are fine and meet the sperm well and grow well) should be put in me on day 5 on Sunday.

And then we wait for 11 days for the big test.

The clinic says 18 days and they do the big test but the doc told me I can try on my own 11 days after.  But nothing is done until I've had three blood tests that show my HSG rising (that was the problem with the last pregnancy).

It's Wednesday

I'm doing the trigger tonight and eggs will be harvested on Wednesday.

Wow!

Quietly freaking out but so ready to pop.

My only hiccup is I have a meeting at 11. I'm going to see if a coworker can cover for me.  

Monday monitoring

I was originally going to complain about all the monitoring but ha ha ha - it might be over.

My eggs are all borderline to be harvested.  The determination will be my blood work which comes back in a few hours.  Wow!

I have a friend who can take me on Wednesday (phew) and I only have one meeting, which depending on when I'm scheduled will be done via phone.  Wow wow wow!!!

Below is what I wrote while I waited for the ultrasound.

Because I didn't get here at 7:15, I arrived at 7:45 I have to wait forever.

Blood was just drawn after 30 minutes.  I'm double bandaged because we tired my right arm first (left one is looking a bit abused) but no blood would come out.  So jabbed again on the left.

I'm having the high estrogen symptoms of headaches, loss of appetite and fatigue.  Lovely.  It ends in a few days.

Sunday monitoring

GDone in Rockville.  I liked the techs a lot better.

Still 16 eggs w no mushing.  They are getting bigger and I can feel it.

I might end up harvesting on Wednesday (yikes!!! I have a meeting at the White House that day) and I don't have a ride.

I forgot my new biohazard box for the used needles so I had to go back up.  When I walked to the area where I left it I saw a man pass out as he was watching his wife/girlfriend getting her blood drawn.  Oh my.

Evening update:

I'm progressing a wee bit too quickly so they are taking one of my doses down a bit.  My estrogen is now at 1,462.

And I have to go in for monitoring tomorrow.  Fun - another early morning.

But they don't think I will be harvested on Wednesday - it looks like it will be on Thursday.  

Exciting but ouch my ovaries hurt.

Sperm pick up, drop off and tank return

Hopefully the last time to make this trip ever.

They gave me this tank because I'm spending the morning transporting 2977 so it doesn't matter that the name is visible.

This tank is mega mega light - wow!

And first time I saw other people at pick up.

And hot damn the parking lot was so

Crowded at the clinic I had to park on building over and the waiting room is insanely crowded too.  Interesting.

Making eggs

So 2nd monitoring visit was today.  I have 16 eggs growing.

They were able to measure 9 eggs.  They are growing at the right size.  And apparently they aren't smooshing into each other which is very very good.

I am starting to feel a bit uncomfortable - more of an awareness of my ovaries.

Estrogen is at 554 so also increasing nicely.

I got a photo of my ovaries to share.  The ovary is the chocolate chip cookie looking thing on the far right and far left.  The big chocolate chips are the eggs.

Next monitoring day is Sunday!!!

4 day monitoring - first monitoring post injections

So went in for my routine blood work and  ultrasound.

9 follicles (eggs) on each side - total of 18 and the biggest is 9 mm (they want to get it to 18).

Fell completely down in the middle of the crosswalk - skinned my knee a bit - didn't need to ice anything it's so cold outside.

I do suspect major pain in the morning though.

----

Estrogen 268

Sperm pick up, drop off and tank return

Hopefully the last time to make this trip ever.

They gave me this tank because I'm spending the morning transporting 2977 so it doesn't matter that the name is visible.

This tank is mega mega light - wow!

And first time I saw other people at pick up.

And hot damn the parking lot was so

Crowded at the clinic I had to park on building over and the waiting room is insanely crowded too.  Interesting.

First injection down

It didn't hurt and I'm grateful for all my belly fat now.

3 injections that should have been 2.

I couldn't get all the menapur in one needle.  But I think I will be able to tomorrow.

Whoo hooo!!!!

This is happening.

First IVF exam done

35 eggs (follicles) ready and no cysts.

Blood back this afternoon

----
Update - blood is great and all the hormone levels are where they need to be.  So injections will begin Sunday evening in my stomach.

Needle class

Needle class - Thursday, October 31 - again didn't post when I wrote it.

I'm kind of excited.  10 days until my first injection.

Score for having pcos - I don't have to do an inter muscular shot!!!

None of my shots will be worse than an allergy shot.

Look what I got in the mail today!!

 This arrived on Tuesday, October 29 - but for some reason blogger didn't post right away.

This is happening!!!!

Thankfully this load cost me $185 because of my insurance.  The street cost is $4,000.

Yeah no typos.

And I am now going to be a patient advisor to Shady Grove so other people don't have the same shitty experience I have had so far.  

But look what else I got - JTW - please go ballistic - I don't even have a bun in my oven.

Fertility Meds Ordered!!!!

I just put in the order for my fertility meds about 10 minutes ago - wow!!!

This feels positive.  The total cost is $185 - not bad as most women pay north of $4,000.  God love my insurance.

The drugs come on Tuesday in a FedEx box to my office and the box won't look like it came from a fertility clinic.

The class on how to do injections is on the 31st and I will start my drugs on November 10th.

Very excited that MF is coming and will be in DC during my calm calm calm period/stay home vacation to push out a bunch of eggs and take one fertilized one back.

At home - all done - feeling good

So there was a substantial scare - not super tough and not tissue paper that was right down the middle of the my uterus.

I saw the before and after.  The after is much better.

I got there at 12:30 and we left at 3.  So all is good.

I'm home now resting and looking for food.

Love to everyone who checked in on me and a big big hug to T who took me and waited.

Done

This was cake - ready to leave (almost ) 2

Hours after I got here.  They saw me early.

Just waiting to hear from doc what is what.

Waiting in the horrible gown

First - upset they won't let T leave to run errands.  Blerg.  I did bring her trashy mags.

I'm insanely hungry -     

Just got my IV in and should

Be walking in for the minor minor thing in a mo

Surgery update

Surgery scheduled for 2:30 Thursday.  I should be home resting by 6.

Those who plan on stopping by - text me first before you stop by.

Some good news

I still have mono; killed my car battery; blinds drama - etc.  So it was nice to get good fertility news

I am not a carrier for Mutant Gene X.  I don't even know if that's what it's called but I don't need to know.

Basically based on the fact that I'm using donor sperm and my genetic make up I am only at risk for passing on to Bingo one genetic defect and that would be only if Bingo was a boy (the girl Bingo would be a carrier).

It could make boy Bingo severely retarded - physically and mentally and require 24 hour care.  But I am not a carrier so I can reproduce as soon as I finish the first Bingo nursery (i.e. my uterus).

Surgery is October 10th and I just can't wait - well I could but I don't want to.

Bingo Delayed but Going to Happen

I type up these updates as I'm walking out of a doctor's office because I don't want to forget any of the relevant information.

First - I'm not upset that Bingo is delayed.  Yes it would be great to be done sooner than later but Bingo WILL happen I know this.  The mono also has sapped all of my energies - emotional and physical - so that also be why I'm not mega bummed.  Maybe in a week when I have my energy back or up I will be more upset.

And the other reason is I feel its really going to happen.  I have a huge amount of ripe eggs for someone with PCOS and that is without drugs.  Apparently women with PCOS who do IVF are basically not infertile - we are very fertile.  And among that pool I'm at the high end. 

The doctor wants to be less agressive with my medications too because she knows she's going to get a good crop.  I will be freezing a lot of "siblings" in November.  And while they can't say because who knows what will happen - she feels confident I'm going to do this one time.

Now if I have to do it a second time - it's free - because my insurance is so good.  And the second time will be less invasive.  I'll do drugs to get the womb ready but I won't need to do the egg extraction which is nice.

Thank you everyone whose been checking in on me and sending me words of encouragement.  It means a lot!!!!

And if someone wants to take the day off work to take me to the surgery on the 10th - let me know.

XXXX

IVF glitch but some good news

So the bad news first.

1. I have mono.  Which doesn't affect my fertility as I have a fairly mild form of mono and the worst has passed.

If I relapse or hit extreme exhaustion then  that won't be good.  But I've felt fine and am being monitored so I should stay fine.

2. The real bad news - I have some scarring inside my uterus because of the miscarriage and D&C (see why I didn't want the D&C).

So it needs to be scheduled to be removed and if nothing major happens with that then I wait three weeks for all to heel and I start the injections.

It looks like egg retrieval and Embryo transfer will happen in November now not October.

Which means no London thanksgiving trip but I can go another time in my first trimester.

The good news- my insurance which is 4.75 stars.

The normal cost for all of this would be $16,000.  But because of my glorious insurance I will be paying $2,300 total.  That is with Meds.

The Meds for this cost $185.  Serious!!!!

And I have an out of pocket cap of $3,400 and $1,100 has been met.

So Bingo's sibling will be free. If I do that. Granted I have to pay $1,500 to freeze the sibling but still not bad.

HSG sonogram done!

It took all of 3 minutes and didn't hurt.  

Everything looks fine, tubes clear and uterus clear.  But I have what could be nothing or could be a polyp at the entrance to my uterus.

I don't trust Shady Grove.  So I don't know if its standard procedure for them.

I have insurance so I am sure I'm treated differently.  

I've asked for the scan to be reviewers by a doctor and not just the technician.

Also ugh at Shady Grove - I ask three times why I need this and barely get an answer.  Today it's neatly written on the consent form. Why couldn't they just copy and paste when I asked.

I'm still sick.  Getting blood taken so I can finally get rid of this.

OMG - GMS

So I just made 4 appointments with Shady Grove and had it out with my nurse.

As you all know I have chosen NOT to get a Master's in IVF.  Why?  Because if I am going to pay $10,000 for a service I shouldn't have to become an expert.

Shady Grove does not do it better they just see more women.  I know they have a great success rate but their bedside manner sucks.

I saw the doctor - she laid things out for me; wrote things down on a piece of paper and then didn't give me that piece of paper.  BTW her face lit up when she knew I had insurance to cover this.  That is annoying.

I am supposed to go through the nurse - nice thing is that all things are in email - but when I ask a question like (who will give me my blood work results?) I have to ask it 3-4 times in email before she answers.

They have given me a list of websites - wow - I really don't want to read medical journals - I want a simple easy to understand tutorial.  There can be links to more in-depth information that I can read at my discretion.  But if I have to be monitored tell me if I have to make an appointment; how long it will take; when, etc.

They know I haven't done IVF before so they need to stop talking to me about it like I have.

I've talked it over with two other SMC friends who told me the process.  After I stamped my foot in the ultrasound room the nurse explained everything - it was good.  Why do I have to stamp my foot to get an answer I don't know.

I'm really surprised they don't have boilerplate.

She sent me a linke yesterday that Shady Grove wrote about "Demystifying IVF" - OMG it was horrible.  First it brought up more questions than it answered because items conflicted with what I was told.  Second it assumes everyone is in a hetero relationship (are they not in DC).  And three is is just marketing pulp to make IVF sound like a bed of roses and then you get a baby.

It didn't say you need to take the day off work to have the eggs retrieved.  While that might be obvious to some - why should it be to someone who hasn't done it or read anything.

I want to chill out for the next month; drink my wine (oh no one has said not to drink so I will assume I can) and meditate.  But then I get an email from someone I have never heard of saying she ordered my meds; here is the pharmacy I should call in Boston to find out more (no phone number btw) - wait what really? $4 K worth of drugs - maybe $6K that my insurance said I have to see a specific pharmacy for and she just went ahead and ordered it.

And BTW didn't introduce herself to me as in - Hi I'm Ashli - I work with your nurse and your doctor and I will be helping you fill your insanely expensive prescription.  I know this is a daunting process but I will walk you through it.

She has no idea how they are shipped to me; what the box looks like; how far in advance I should get them - then why is she there?

So I have an appointment now to take the injection class; get a mock transfer; get my pre-IVF blood and ultrasound screening.

I'm now on birth control - fun.

As expected I have not STDs or blood disorders.

This process is finite
This process is finite
This process is finite

Numbers

FSH: 4.36 - Normal FSH level. Expect a good response to ovarian stimulation.

AMH: 6.3 - it means I have a lot of eggs and confirms my PCOS.  18 months ago it was 9.9

Both of these tests were done on day 3 of my cycle

I'm doing IVF at the end of October

So after much mental wrangling, stress and anxiety I'm 100% confirmed to do IVF at the end of October.

I could do it at the end of this month but because I have been so crazy and anxious this past week it will be best for me to relax and chill this month and go full force next month.

I debated doing IUI again with Shady Grove but the success rate is 20%; for IVF its 55%

So the process:
I am going to be on birth control for the next 40 days - ahhhhhh - calm; maintained hormones - starting this Thursday.

I will go off the birth control in early October and then will start injections (from what I am told this won't be so bad)

I will go in and get check (blood and ultrasound) starting on day three and the doctors will call me that afternoon and tell me to adjust the injections; etc.

That process goes on for about 10 days; then I will be told to take the trigger injection.

36 hours after that my eggs will be pulled out of me (the good news is that my right ovary had 17 follicles and my left had 22 - for someone my age they want a total of 10 – it’s nice to be so far advanced).

Then Shady Grove will fertilize my eggs in a dish and they will be put into me 3 or 5 days later.  They like to wait until day 5 because the cells have multiplied the most.

After the fertilized egg is put in me (the goal is a single baby not twins – sorry MF and TG) I sit with my feet up and sew and laugh for 24-48 hours.  I’m going to do 48 hours because let’s increase my chances.

I’m going to take a vacation the week which I don’t have to do but want to do.  I think it will just make the whole process less stressful for me.  I won’t have to worry about work or scheduling things. 

I get my protocol later today and I have to have another test that checks my uterus a bit closer.  But good news my uterine lining is perfectly fine - the clomid didn't screw me up (the head but not the important parts).

Blood work update posted later today when I get it.


BTW - I am doing genetic testing.  Because I'm using donor sperm I don't need to worry about anything being carried by the donor.  The only thing I could be a carrier for is a thing called Fragile X which causes major mental retardation.  It would only affect my son.  There are things that can be done to screen for the right eggs so I don't pass it on.  That might be cost prohibitive.  The odds are really high I’m a carrier for anything but for $99 I can be assured I won’t pass anything on.

I got my period :(

So this cycle is out.

Shady Grove so far is nice.  I'm still edgy about it.  But I'm sure once these hormones are out of my body I'll be chipper and on a super strong planning regiment.

Thank you to everyone who supported me through this last cycle - I know I've been an anxious mess.

Next steps to be posted soon.  I'm mulling it over in my head - need to get comfortable with the idea.

Big thanks to:
MF
HR
SR
SM
HL
MO
CM
AM
DK
SK
TW
MM
BR
IS
MT
KT
CA
JF
SL
DD
NB - NLAE
JO
KG
MM
DK
TG squared
DW
EG
SA

Still no line - & Shady Grove Part 2

So now it's just wait and see for my period

Shady Grove Options
I have three options with Shady Grove.  I've started all the testing again (so much blood was drawn yesterday and I have to have two sonograms next week).

The options are:
IUI - similar to what I have been doing but there are shots
Success rate - 15%

Aggressive IUI - all the medication I take would be through shots; much more controlled
Success rate 20%

IVF - lots more invasive; lots of drugs; need to take a few vacation days; won't need to buy more sperm to keep doing this over and over because I freeze the fertilized eggs and more expensive
Success rate 55%

A lot to think about - genetic testing; freezing the fertilized eggs; etc.

I have a good friend who is helping me out - she's a godsend.

--

I will be recalling my insurance today to confirm what's covered and ask a few more questions from Shady Grove about the process.

I'll keep you all posted on what I decide.

The shady grove experience

Oy!

So two different types of IUI to try (one w a 15% success rate and similar to what I've been doing except w a trigger shot and the other much more aggressive).

Then there is IVF w a 55% success rate.

The doctor still needs to do blood work and check for a few things that he didn't check for.

The doctor also said that she would have treated me exactly the same way my doctor has.  She actually says I'm not infertile.

No plan yet - she just stepped out of the room.

She's nice - she said she does joke w her patients to not start smoking crack during this process - but she likes that my doc and I say crystal meth.

No matter what I choose I will probably have to skip September to try :(

No line

I tested 5 times.  Nothing - not even an evaporation line :(

Online Tally

43% postive
57% unsure

So now I'm getting other opinions

The current tally is:
2 don't see it at all
1 sees it but still early
2 see it but think its the evaporation line

And I've posted the photo on a site -

1 says positive
1 unsure

http://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/pregnancy-test-gallery/my-images94027

But here is the faint line

Not over until I get my period 

But see the bottom one / faint faint line right?

Yeah not a good sign

So now I just wait for my period.  Shady Grove tomorrow.

Yeah I'm blue.

Early testing

So I bought the fancy test (I had a coupon).  I have been testing since Saturday using the cheap tests.  The way the cheap tests work is the second line gets darker the more HCG (pregnancy hormone) I have in it.

Yesterday and today I swear I saw a very faint, very thin line.  Was it the light? Was it wishful thinking?  I don't know. 

When I was pregnant last I didn't see the faint line until day 14 and it got darker over time.

I'm saving the tests and lining them uptogether.  I should be able to see the line from the comparison.

If I get the questionable faint line I'm going to do the fancy test.

Shady Grove called me today to confirm.  Hopefully tomorrow I can call and cancel :)

7 day number is in

It's 17.79

Technically they want it over 10 so that is good.

But last time it was 30 and the time before that it was 27.

So I'm really bummed.  The only consolation is that this was 7 days post insemination.  It might be higher of it was today.

We'll know next week.

"Full" Slippery Pulse

Had my "sticking acupuncture" session today.  She does more moxibustion than needles.  

She said my chinese pulse was full after the session and I had a slippery pulse both times. 

She said my stomach energy is cold (I did have ice cream yesterday) and I am not to have cold foods anymore.  So now looking into warm ice cream.

She told me to eat okra and green beens.

I'm off to Tunica on Thursday (the land of the all you can eat Paul Deen Buffet) so I am bringing a lot of my own food which is better for me to eat even if its cold.  And I will drink my 12 glasses of water but it will be warm or hot.  

Testing - so you can see when I should

Wednesday Aug. 7, 2013 16 days until next period	0 dpo	Ovulation Day The egg is released and travels into the fallopian tube where it remains until a single sperm penetrates it during fertilization (the union of egg and sperm). The egg can be fertilized for about 24 hours after ovulation. If sperm does meet and penetrate a mature egg after ovulation, it will fertilize it. When the sperm penetrates the egg, changes occur in the protein coating around it to prevent other sperm from entering. At the moment of fertilization, your baby's genetic make-up is complete, including its sex.
Thursday Aug. 8, 2013 15 days until next period	1 dpo	Too early to test No home pregnancy test will work yet. If fertilized, the egg begins dividing rapidly into many cells. It remains in the fallopian tube for about three days. The fertilized egg (called a zygote) continues to divide as it passes slowly through the fallopian tube to the uterus where its next job is to attach to the endometrium (a process called implantation).
Friday Aug. 9, 2013 14 days until next period	2 dpo	Too early to test No home pregnancy test will work yet. Pregnancy tests work by detecting the hormone hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin). hCG is only made once the fertilized egg implants in the uterus. Implantation typically occurs 6 to 10 days after ovulation.
TODAY Saturday Aug. 10, 2013 13 days until next period	3 dpo	Too early to test No home pregnancy test will work yet. Implantation hasn't even happened yet! Remember, home pregnancy tests detect the hormone hCG. hCG is produced only after implantation. No implantation = No hCG = Negative test result.
Sunday Aug. 11, 2013 12 days until next period	4 dpo	Too early to test No home pregnancy test will work yet. Implantation hasn't even happened yet! Remember, home pregnancy tests detect the hormone hCG. hCG is produced only after implantation. No implantation = No hCG = Negative test result.
Monday Aug. 12, 2013 11 days until next period	5 dpo	Too early to test No home pregnancy test will work yet. Implantation hasn't even happened yet! Remember, home pregnancy tests detect the hormone hCG. hCG is produced only after implantation. No implantation = No hCG = Negative test result.
Tuesday Aug. 13, 2013 10 days until next period	6 dpo	Too early to test No home pregnancy test will work yet. Implantation may not have occurred yet.
Wednesday Aug. 14, 2013 9 days until next period	7 dpo	Too early to test No home pregnancy test will work yet. Implantation may not have occurred yet.
Thursday Aug. 15, 2013 8 days until next period	8 dpo	Too early to test No home pregnancy test will work yet. Implantation may not have occurred yet.
Friday Aug. 16, 2013 7 days until next period	9 dpo	Don't bother. Still too early!
Saturday Aug. 17, 2013 6 days until next period	10 dpo	You will likely be disappointed! Wait a few more days, if you can! hCG (the pregnancy hormone) doubles every 2-3 days during the first several weeks of pregnancy. Give it some time to build up so the test can detect it.
Sunday Aug. 18, 2013 5 days until next period	11 dpo	Tempting, but it is still best to wait! To ensure an accurate result, and minimize the risk of a false negative you would be best to wait a few more days.
Monday Aug. 19, 2013 4 days until next period	12 dpo	Hold off if you can, it's still a little early! Accuracy rate of some early detection tests range from 51%-69% for 4 days before your expected period. Make sure you read the box/instructions for individual test brand accuracy rates.
Tuesday Aug. 20, 2013 3 days until next period	13 dpo	Some early detection tests may work 3 days before your expected period. Accuracy rate of some early detection tests range from 74%-83%. Make sure you read the box/instructions for individual test brand accuracy rates.
Wednesday Aug. 21, 2013 2 days until next period	14 dpo	Some early detection tests may work 2 days before your expected period. Accuracy rate of some early detection tests range from 84%-93%. Make sure you read the box/instructions for individual test brand accuracy rates.
Thursday Aug. 22, 2013 1 day until next period	15 dpo	There are several early pregnancy tests that can be used 1 day before your expected period. Accuracy rate of some early detection tests range from 87%-95%. Make sure you read the box/instructions for individual test brand accuracy rates.
Friday Aug. 23, 2013 Expected period	16 dpo	Expected Period. This is the best day to test! You should miss your period today if you are pregnant! Accuracy rate of most pregnancy tests on or after the first day of your expected period is 99%. If your cycle length varies by a few days each month, you may still want to wait a few days before testing since you may not actually be late yet.
Saturday Aug. 24, 2013 1 day late	17 dpo	You are 1 day late - Test at will! Accuracy rate of most pregnancy tests on or after the first day of your expected period is 99%. You will likely get an accurate result if you test this day.
Sunday Aug. 25, 2013 2 days late	18 dpo	You are 2 days late - Test at will! Accuracy rate of most pregnancy tests on or after the first day of your expected period is 99%. You will likely get an accurate result if you test this day.
Monday Aug. 26, 2013 3 days late	19 dpo	You are 3 days late - Test at will! Accuracy rate of most pregnancy tests on or after the first day of your expected period is 99%. You will likely get an accurate result if you test this day.

#1 and #2 are in the Can!!!

So now the wait begins.  I get blood drawn next Wednesday to check on my progesterone.  Results in on the next day.

I start testing on the 17th.  The final results come in on August 21st I hope as its the same day as my appointment with Shady Grove.

Waiting to go in for # 2 now

#1 went well.  Everything looked right.

I have really low stress and feel very positive and tingly.

Insemination 1 in the next 30 min

Because I'm doing two - I'm going to do my first one now!!!!!

Send prayers and good vibes :)

So how about NOT talking to me about your opinions while I'm trying to get pregnant - I'm just saying

So some folks want to give me their opinions on every little decision I'm making - and that's fine.  If you know I'm doing this I trust you, I love you and I value your opinion.  But there is a timing to this and if I say "drop it" then drop it.

I am looking forward to opinions on bedding; bottles (from the pumping - JT don't worry); nappies; etc.  But I hope when I say "drop it" folks will drop it.

But some friends don't see me daily; don't talk to me daily and aren't living this with me.  They don't realize I'm on hormones to get me the happy face and that makes me "off center".

I asked in my last big post to please keep your opinions about my choices TO YOURSELF.  I need to be calm and relaxed and chill to do this.  It works better when there is no stress.

I can't question every choice 2,000 times.  There are people who do this for a living and I am TRUSTING them.  I am educated about the decisions I make but I am not getting a Masters in fertility. This part of motherhood is finite by definition.

I've gotten a fair amount of well wishes this morning which is nice.  I'm excited and relieved that I got the happy face today. I have been extremely stressed out about not getting it on the right day.

But I got a text about changing the donor.  Really??!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!  I have $1,300 worth of sperm in my living room and I should change the donor now?!?!?!??!?!  I should do what - throw this away and spend the morning going through the thousand of other options; review the profiles; review the photos and and then order another $1,300 worth; pay for the rush fee; save $50 on the 2 week tank; and just home this guys count is as nearly as good.

So let's go through this so it doesn't happen again.

1. I'M BROWN!!!!!!!!!! Nearly all the women who do this try to find a donor that matches how they look (women with a partner find someone who has a partner that looks like the partner).  I don't have a partner so I have to look for someone who looks like me.  But I'm brown which means there is barely anyone to choose from. 
• I'm mixed so I can choose either Indian, Pakistani, Bengali (all one genetic makeup as the designations are from political boundaries - but I favor Bengali technically) or Iranian/Persisan (another political distinction).
• There were NO available Indians and of the two Iranian/Persians one was 5"6' and one was 6".  I picked 6".
• And ha - my friend said "there is plenty of black sperm out there" - really?!?!??! Yeah, I have more than one friend looking for black sperm to match their partner and they are in the 5"6' or 6" feet choice world.
2. It's expensive as all get out.  There are sperm banks with a bigger selection but it costs A LOT more and it has to be shipped across the country.  The way it works now I pick up the sperm from Fairfax.  Anyone is welcome to come with me.  I could pay to have a courier deliver it or Fed Ex but that will cost $200 more.  Also if I use Fed Ex there could be an issue with delivery to my doctor's office - i.e. it gets delivered on Friday and I have to inseminate on Saturday so I still have to go and collect it and move.  It's far easier and cheaper this way.
• Sperm has also gotten more expensive.  When I started it was $380-400 (depending on sales and discounts - yes that exists - yes I find that weird) and now its $650.  
• I'm doing a double dose this time so that is where the $1300 cost comes 
• The price won't be going down but it is a buy 4 get one free.  4 Cycles - so in 3 more I get the next one free.  The last cycle I did was with free sperm.
3. I've researched this - no again I'm not getting my Masters in infertility - but I have gone through this.  I spent months deliberating on my choice.  The donor's 2 year old photo looks just like my uncle (his daughter confirmed).  
• I've been meditating on this choice for 18 months.  
4. And this sperm got me pregnant in March.  Remember the whole painful miscarriage thing that went on forever?  Yeah that sperm got me pregnant.  That sperm was able to fertilize MY egg.  So whatever his count is - it works with my egg.

Here is hoping this works so I don't have to know any more than I already do about this process.

Meditating tonight and today and until tomorrow afternoon.  

Huge exhale - happy face!!!

Curious

Who is reading this?

Send me a private email.

I'm just curious.  It's a select group that know so I'm curious who is keeping up on me from a distance.

Still no happy face

A little stressed by that but I had a really great acupuncture session this morning.  She needled everything she could that sends the energy to my ovaries.  I had 4 in my stomach and 2 in my ears.

And my juju is flowing because the parts she touched were sensitive.

Hoping I get the happy face tomorrow!

The double dose tank

Actually the two week tank they said but first time I've had the mushroom tank.

Update on my Journey

I was really gutted when I got my period.  I was hopeful but it dwindled.  I had a good cry and a lot of wine that night.

I have an appointment with Shady Grove Fertility for August 21st.  This will just be an assessment to determine my next steps.  The good news is that I might not have to go straight to IVF with Shady Grove - I might just do a different drug protocol and have more monitoring.  So that is good.  And my insurance will be covering 70% of the treatements.

Because I have a full cycle before I go to Shady Grove I am going to go one more round with my doctor.  Whoa what?!?!?!?  Yeah.  I won't have to deal with the evil one just the great two doctors that I know and love.  (I asked and she will be on vacation that week :))

I am doing the same drug clomid that I have done in the past. 

For those of you who read up on this stuff you know its not good to take so much clomid.  I know this too.  But the studies that say it's not great for you (causing cancer later in life) aren't conclusive.  Women who are already prone to cancer find themselves having to take the drug.  The other complication is that it could thin my uterine lining.  I did ask my doctor about this - there is not medical indicators that I have a thinning uterine lining and there is no medical reason to think that is what caused the miscarriage.  Because there were three methods to my miscarriage it probably wasn't a thin uterine lining.

And the big thing is I can't ovulate without assistance and know when it will happen.  This makes it very hard when I have to drive 32 miles to get the sperm and have one shot to get it in me correctly.

I did think about taking a break for one cycle but I do want to try one more time.  I've been doing this for over a year.

The reasons are:
1. I did get pregnant on this protocol
2. No medical indicators to show a thin uterine lining
3. I trust my doctor.  And he wouldn't put me on any medication that I didn't need to be on.
4. I am getting a period.  This is a strong indicator that the clomid isn't causing cysts on my ovaries.
5. If there is any uterine lining issues - they can be corrected medically by Shady Grove
6. There are no other medical protocols my doctor can do - he is the low-tech version of all of this :)
7. The research that says "clomid bad" is only on women who don't have poly-cystic ovaries (PCOS) like I do.
8. If I do nothing this cycle I'm waiting until October or maybe even November before my next try.

I am shifting one thng.  I am doing a double insemination (a double dose if you will).  I will do an insemination on the normal day and then do another the next day.  Frozen sperm doens't live as long as fresh so this ups the chance.

And lucky me the sperm cost went up by $180 since I last bought sperm in February.  This is a big payment.  But worth it.

I am being as dairy and gluten free as possible.  I've lost 5 lbs in two weeks from that.   I'm sleeping well and medidating pretty regularly.

I know some of you know more than others about the medications and protocols.  Please keep your opinions about my course of treatment to yourself.  It wasn't an easy decision and there isn't one right answer. 

I'm ready for Bingo!

And it's over

I got my period.

Still no news in either direction

Got to love baby making.

So my symptoms have increased. I'm exhausted all the time, increased nausea, acne and back pain (this last one is a first trimester symptom believe it or not). This could be from the heat too. Since my first try I really don't get the phantom symptoms so fun for me that now that I think it's over this cycle they've decided to come back.

The glimmer of hope - http://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/tools/pregnancy_test_calculator.php

So this calculator says I should not even be testing now, I should start testing this Thursday 3 weeks after insemination. Because I have a long luteal phase, the time between the egg gets laid and the period comes testing shouldn't happen 9 days past ovulation.

But I ovulated early so shouldn't I do everything early??? Oy!

For friends who want to try - as I know some of you do - last period was 6/19/13, ovulation on day 16 and cycle is about 36 days. (For those who think this is TMI - don't read past the headline.

I'll keep testing and updating. I'm getting slightly better at peeing on sticks. A million thanks to everyone whose checking and keeping my spirits up. It helps keeps the clomid crazies away and make this process all the easier. I would be lost without you all.

Still no news

No double line and no period

Still no news

In either direction.

Still Negative :(

I did three tests and they are all negative. I'm also having some cramps so I think its out. Still waiting but hope dwindles

And a heads up

If this doesn't work - I'm still hopeful but you know- I'm going to be a wreck.  I'm going to have to switch to the more invasive and expensive IVF process.  There is some healthcare coverage but what I have to pay is a lot.

I should be exited to go to bed because every morning is a new shot at a double line.  But now I'm stressed out because I loose another day of being hopeful.

Per all the calendars I should get my period on Tuesday.

Anxious

I've been taking tests for about a week. I knew it was early but the tests are cheap. So far they have all been negative. There could be a faint faint line that would progressively get darker (again a reason I test a lot). I've been rather blue about this. Technically I'm not out - the calculator says I shouldn't expect a period until Tuesday so fingers are still crossed.

35.2

Omg that is awesome!!

Doc just called me.  My progesterone is 35.2.  

This is a great sign but not the double line sign or a high hcg number; it just means I ovulated.

And I ovulated good and strong.  Consistent with all my ovary pain.

Last time (where I got pregnant) my progesterone was 27 and that was 7 days post ovulation,  This is 6 days post ovulation and its higher :)

Woot woot!!!!!

Blood draw today

My doc said the dancing ovaries are a good thing as they are stimulated.  If I end up I pain where I'm doubled over to call.

Ill get the blood results tomorrow / the goal is north of 27.

I had 27 last time.

Eastern Medicine Update

In normal times - I get accupuncture before and after the IUIs. But this time that couldn't happen. So I had a very nice session today - she did moxibuxtion which I never had before. This wasn't my normal accupuncturist but its someone from the same practice. She said my pulse is slippery - this is good. In chinese medicine its an indicator of preganncy or a head cold, an indicator of pheglm. As I'm trying to make a goopy, mucus like home for Bingo it's what I want. She recommended I eat slippery foods - oakra, zuchinni and green beans. Guess what I'm cooking tonight. She said that I didn't have any qi blocks which is great. She recommened being aware of my feet when walking so I don't fall and being around beautiful things. I can do this.

And another call

This time from the nurse apologizing to me.

She is going to give me a script so I have it in case this happens again.  I didn't tell her it wouldn't happen again because I can't stay with them.

I told her I don't call the emergency line unless it's an emergency (I'm the child of an On Call OBGYN) and some other horrible gems of former patients.

I did say I can't risk that I will get her on the other end of any line.

So hopefully that was a hint.

I know I feel like a wuss but I really love Dr. Bonn but the complete opposite of him is Dr. Imershein.

Spoke to my doctor today

So he called me not the other way around.

I told him what happened (she wasn't around for the first hour; couldn't call in a script; couldn't call me to discuss, etc.)

He did apologize profusely and said he would talk to her.

I will go in for a blood test on Friday.  But that will be it for this doctor's office.  I really do love Dr. Bonn but I can't risk having to deal with a woman who is too good to talk to his patients.

On a good note - I'm feeling great.  I spent all of Saturday with my feet up and laughing.  Laughing is supposed to help.  I'm craving booze and pork sausages (yeah that is random and might just be random).

Blood work will be back on Friday - the blood work will show that I ovulated not if I'm pregnant.  We want to see something over 16; but with my last pregnancy it was 27 - so higher than 27 is a good thing.

Then I start peeing on sticks (POAS) on June 13th (aka Mas' wedding day!!!!!).  There is a chance I will I will see a faint faint line but it really is a crapshoot on the 13th - but we should definitely know by July 20th.

It's done!!!!!

The deed is done.  Whoo hoo!!!

Ill spare you all the details.

So now wait two weeks and then i pee on a stick.

Please chant and/pray for Bingo.

Order done and now all I do I wait

Not a fun morning but hopefully worth it

And now

Glad I have blog to update people

They called the office manager and the doctor is trying to figure out if they can see me.

As I was writing this the doctor wrote the script.

So probably not

I'm going to spend the day waiting for the office manager (who might not come in) to explain my situation and then see if there is a doctor whose willing to take me.

All of this could have been fixed if Dr Immershein called this in yesterday.  But she couldn't.

Even if she comes to her senses and calls today they might not be able to because of the schedule.

Crying at Columbia fertility

They might not be able to take me because I'm not a patient and my doctor didn't call it in yesterday.

Yeah dr Immershein that's why this is an emergency- fucking 10 minutes of her day and she couldn't do it.

At Columbia fertility

So got the sperm (see photo) and now waiting at Columbia fertility.  

It is very crowded in the waiting room.  I heard the receptionist say to a nurse that "no, R.... said no."

But I will wait all day if I have to.

Still no call from horrible doctor.

OMG - who knows

So I'm off to get the sperm now.

I recalled Columbia and they said they are very very busy and will call me back.  They will try and take me if they can.

I called Shady Grove and they said they can't take me as I'm not a patient and it takes 4 weeks to be a patient.

I recalled my evil bitch on call doctor.  Hopefully she will call me back.  I HATE HER!  She can't take my calls because it's not an emergency (said yesterday) but maybe now she will see the light.  This is an emergency - otherwise I loose a month and money.

So for those who wonder why I can't do it myself - I can't.

I don't have the equipment and I don't want to risk dropping $400 worth of sperm on the floor.  I have to insert a tube into my cervix and make sure its up in there nice and high.  I can't do that.

I am on a shit ton of hormones that have made me gain 30 lbs and put my emotions through a blender.  I'm ripe and I need to be inseminated today by a medical professional who knows what they are doing.

If it was something I could have done myself I would have done this without doctors a year ago.

Please send prayers and well wishes.  Its going to be a huge let down today if I can't do it.  My ovaries are dancing something fierce, which is supposedly the best sign ever.

Ack - where to go tomorrow?

So I'm trying to get a hold of my doctor.

The answering service says they are closed for the long weekend.

What to do?!?!?!?!

Just staying calm as the answering service is trying to reach the doctor.  They have let her know its my second attempt.

Wondering now what kind of service I would be getting if I was in labor.

Bingo is an independence conception

Hi all,

So great news - I got the happy face today (the happy face means insemination day will be tomorrow).

Thankfully the donor has been ordered and I am picking it up tomorrow at 9:30 am and then will have it popped inside me.

Jut hoping my doctor can do it.

I feel very very ripe - as in my ovaries are sore sore sore.

Donor is ordered!

I will be picking up my free donation on Friday :)

The donation is free because the first 4 didn't work.  If the last one worked I would have gotten a refund.

This feels lucky to me.  I do love a sale.

I am starting to feel blue from all the hormone dosing.  I have a fun 4th planned so hopefully that will help.

Finally a New Update

Sorry for those who have been checking regularly - there hasn't been anything to report for the most part.

My D&C went well (many thanks to those who took me and cared for me after).

But it took nearly 7 weeks for me to get back to cycle day 1 (CD1).

I had to take drugs to get it - by body was storing all this estrogen (which contributes to some weight loss) and I had to take some progesterone the last week and my period is here.

So the next IUI date should be July 9th.

I start back on the clomid on Sunday (the chemical that makes me ovulate).

I won't send out email updates so check back here for updates.

Dates to look out for -
week of July 8th for the happy face and insemination.
week of July 22nd for the test results.

I'm ready for a strong double line and an April 2014 baby.

Starting again an update

Thanks to everyone who checks this an checks on me.  My head feels okay but clearly my body is still mourning

It's been 6 weeks since the D&C and no new period to start the new cycle.  

So the doctor is calling for medical intervention.

After my blood work comes back tomorrow I will take a pill for 10 days to bring on my period.

At worst I will get my period within the next three weeks at best next week.

So the next try is 17 days from that.

Remember me wanting to get pregnant last July - we Whoo hoo - that might be what happens just a different year.

And the obscene weight gain - it could be from the lack of period,  it's been about 10 lbs and that has gotten me down.  Doc said I should see that drop and energy increase w the period.  That will certainly brighten my mood.

Thanks again to all the people who called, emailed or came to wish me well. Your love and support mean so so much.  Even the dog who was so upset about the miscarriage he puked up his sadness :) on me :).

The procedure worked

So my hcg is now at 3, which means I'm not pregnant and the procedure worked.

The follow up doctors appointment is on May 9th.

And I will find out when I get to try again.

Thank you all so much for your love and kindness. It means more to me than you will ever know.

After the follow up I can switch back to mass emails (blindly of course) and then just post the details here for those who want to know.

I am wondering - who is reading this who is Germany or Russia? I want to know. Just curious it's all good.

Spoke to the doctor

He said everything went well. And he was able to collect some tissue to be tested. He needs to see how much of that tissue is pregnancy tissue.

If its the right amount and my HCG drops then I'm in the clear.

He still is worried that it could be in the tubes. Then that's another process.

Sleepy and headachy but I'm drinking water and taking Tylenol.

I'm fine :)

So had the D&C today. I feel okay. Emotional when I think about it (I'm not pregnant) but the procedure wasn't so bad.

I woke up laughing and asking for cookies (you get cookies) and told everyone Michele Bachman needs to run for president against Hilary because then we can all laugh.

So many thanks to Cat for taking me. And thanks to all checking in on me.

I just feel kind of tired but not bad at all.

It's Friday at 1

This is actually good news as there was a conference I wanted to go to on Thursday and now I can go.

The latest - I hate having latests

I will be talking to the doctor today or tomorrow.

It's being scheduled for Thursday.

I'm having some mild discomfort but mostly just sad.  Not depressed sad, just when will this be over sad.

Let me know if you can do pick up; drop off or checking in on me this Thursday, Friday or Saturday.

The nurse said I should be back to normal by Saturday. 

That's something to look forward to.

What's a D&C?

So here is a link on what a D&C is for those who don't know.

The doc didn't call me back on Friday.  The nurse said that it would/could be scheduled for Thursday the 25th or it could be Tuesday the 30th.

I should know on Monday.

http://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/dandc.html

Mini Update

Just told my boss.  As expected, he was great.  He told me to take as much time as I need and not worry about work things.  He also told me he knows women who have had the procedure and it's they had kids and are fine, so I shouldn't worry.

Insurance is cleared too.

Now just waiting for my doctor to call me back.

I'm guessing the day is going to be Thursday (missing a fabulous conference).

I see a lot of Arrested Development and Peep Show watching in my future.

Not looking good now

the HcG number came back at 270.

It's not going away.

I'm probably going to need a D&C.  Probably next week. 

I will update later after I talk to the doctor.  I only spoke to the nurse this morning.

My arm is all bruised

More blood taken.

3 vials this time because doc wants to know my blood type. I know odd, but
I have no clue.

Results tomorrow.

The pills I took Monday seem to be working. I have some mild discomfort but nothing I can't ignore.

I'm now wait and see

Spoke to my doc again.

Going to get new blood work done tomorrow.

And we are going to wait out the week to see if it goes down and this just goes a natural course

If it doesn't I'm D&C bound.

And thank you for everything

Thank you so so so much to everyone who has sent me notes, texts, virtual hugs and in person hugs.

Your support means the world to me.

Ugh - when will the medical liminality end

So bad news again -this feels like the longest miscarriage in the history of the world.

I don't have a viable preganncy - I get that.  But my HCG has gone up too much in the last four days.  The nurse thought everything was fine this morning.  But  my doctor called a few hours ago and he is concerned that its ectopic.  My OB wants me to get a shot of methoprestone (a drug they give cancer patients which will knock out these remaining cells).  The down side to methoprestone is that I will not be able to get pregnant for 3 months.

My doctor wants to talk to me first thing tomorrow morning.  And he told me to talk to my dad.

For those of you who don't know - my dad is an OBGYN who specalized in infertility.  The family joke is after 2 years of trying I was the proof for his final exam.  But my father doesn't support my choice and is rather unpleasant about it.  So I've made the choice not to speak to him.  We haven't spoken since February 2012.

My OB knows I'm not speaking to my father so for him to tell me to talk to my dad is kind of a big deal.

Thankfully I was able to talk to my dad's old partner and a man, who was a second father to me in my childhood.

We went through my numbers; history, etc. 

The good news - he doesn't think its ectopic, my internal stuff looks good, my ovulation is good - I will get pregnant one day and hopefully soon.  He was impressed with my AMH numbers too.

But he thinks I should wait to see how the drug I took last night takes (I took misoprostol).  He thinks its still early for the drug to have worked.

If my numbers don't start taking a downturn then I should get a D&C. 

I have the heebie jeebies about a D&C - I have no logical idea why.  The word scrape in the description doesn't help.  I also grew up hearing the word D&C over and over - its what the kids of OBGYNs get to hear on the weekend. 

A D&C might be in my future.  That is what is recommended so I can get on with the next cycle as soon as possible. 

Blech - why is this not over.

The morning after

My HCG yesterday was 204.

The doctor's don't think this was doubling right so I'm on the right track.

The pills I took yesterday seem to be working.

Hopefully this will be over soon and I will start round #6 of IUI.

Results

Down and dirty -this is not a bingo. im not pregnant anymore. My body is confused and making hormones.

I had two types of sonograms.

The external didn't show anything. No fluid, sac or fetus.

And lucky me - I got an internal sonogram.

This one showed a sac. But it's not attached to anything.

The good news is that my ovaries are healthy.

So to get rid of these extra cells I'm going to go a chemical route that will basically give me some cramping and a period.

It's a very small sac so risk of infection or bleeding is minimal.

After this ill start the next cycle.

Now I shall have some coffee and soft cheese.

The Sonogram Tech is late

Bladder is full - I'm trying not to think about it.

But not easy.

No real new update

HPT this morning was positive too.

Its not getting darker - so my HCG is not dropping.

Curious what they will tell me tomorrow.

Very grateful for friends who are taking my mind off of the unknown.

Can't make plans - I'm learning to live without plans.  It's not easy but it's possible.

Today's HPT

Still positive but lighter (maybe that's a good sign)

Blood Work is Back

And my Beta is 89

This means that my HCG level has risen not doubled.

The two docs now (I'm a special case at the doctor's office) is that this isn't a viable pregnancy.  Yes, I know I completely believe that.

But now the new doc involved isn't sure if we should bother with the ultrasound.


The worry is that it is in my tubes. 

But hopefully it's not - that's the big big hope now.

Something is growing in me but it's not Bingo.

It is Earl - points to those of you who get the joke.

Morning HPT

Positive

Blood count coming soon.

Morning doctor's appointment

Leaving the doctors now.

My numbers shouldn't be where they are and I'm still pregnant.

He took blood today to see where it is.

He is hoping it goes down and then the sonogram shows on Monday I've expelled all the pregnancy cells.

If it goes up then he needs to see on the sonogram where those cells are.

If I am making a healthy fetus and just have funny numbers because I'm interesting he will see it on the sonogram.

There are no statistics for which way it will go - common wisdom and what he's seen I'm going to have a full miscarriage.

If its in my tubes then I might need to go on a drug that will clean it out but then I can't get pregnant for 3 months. This is the worst case scenario.

I get the new number tomorrow and yes I will be calling in at 8:30 am to find out.

The sonogram is on Monday at 8.

Check back daily as ill post updates as I know them.