The procedure worked

So my hcg is now at 3, which means I'm not pregnant and the procedure worked.

The follow up doctors appointment is on May 9th.

And I will find out when I get to try again.

Thank you all so much for your love and kindness. It means more to me than you will ever know.

After the follow up I can switch back to mass emails (blindly of course) and then just post the details here for those who want to know.

I am wondering - who is reading this who is Germany or Russia? I want to know. Just curious it's all good.

Spoke to the doctor

He said everything went well. And he was able to collect some tissue to be tested. He needs to see how much of that tissue is pregnancy tissue.

If its the right amount and my HCG drops then I'm in the clear.

He still is worried that it could be in the tubes. Then that's another process.

Sleepy and headachy but I'm drinking water and taking Tylenol.

I'm fine :)

So had the D&C today. I feel okay. Emotional when I think about it (I'm not pregnant) but the procedure wasn't so bad.

I woke up laughing and asking for cookies (you get cookies) and told everyone Michele Bachman needs to run for president against Hilary because then we can all laugh.

So many thanks to Cat for taking me. And thanks to all checking in on me.

I just feel kind of tired but not bad at all.

It's Friday at 1

This is actually good news as there was a conference I wanted to go to on Thursday and now I can go.

The latest - I hate having latests

I will be talking to the doctor today or tomorrow.

It's being scheduled for Thursday.

I'm having some mild discomfort but mostly just sad.  Not depressed sad, just when will this be over sad.

Let me know if you can do pick up; drop off or checking in on me this Thursday, Friday or Saturday.

The nurse said I should be back to normal by Saturday. 

That's something to look forward to.

What's a D&C?

So here is a link on what a D&C is for those who don't know.

The doc didn't call me back on Friday.  The nurse said that it would/could be scheduled for Thursday the 25th or it could be Tuesday the 30th.

I should know on Monday.

http://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/dandc.html

Mini Update

Just told my boss.  As expected, he was great.  He told me to take as much time as I need and not worry about work things.  He also told me he knows women who have had the procedure and it's they had kids and are fine, so I shouldn't worry.

Insurance is cleared too.

Now just waiting for my doctor to call me back.

I'm guessing the day is going to be Thursday (missing a fabulous conference).

I see a lot of Arrested Development and Peep Show watching in my future.

Not looking good now

the HcG number came back at 270.

It's not going away.

I'm probably going to need a D&C.  Probably next week. 

I will update later after I talk to the doctor.  I only spoke to the nurse this morning.

My arm is all bruised

More blood taken.

3 vials this time because doc wants to know my blood type. I know odd, but
I have no clue.

Results tomorrow.

The pills I took Monday seem to be working. I have some mild discomfort but nothing I can't ignore.

I'm now wait and see

Spoke to my doc again.

Going to get new blood work done tomorrow.

And we are going to wait out the week to see if it goes down and this just goes a natural course

If it doesn't I'm D&C bound.

And thank you for everything

Thank you so so so much to everyone who has sent me notes, texts, virtual hugs and in person hugs.

Your support means the world to me.

Ugh - when will the medical liminality end

So bad news again -this feels like the longest miscarriage in the history of the world.

I don't have a viable preganncy - I get that.  But my HCG has gone up too much in the last four days.  The nurse thought everything was fine this morning.  But  my doctor called a few hours ago and he is concerned that its ectopic.  My OB wants me to get a shot of methoprestone (a drug they give cancer patients which will knock out these remaining cells).  The down side to methoprestone is that I will not be able to get pregnant for 3 months.

My doctor wants to talk to me first thing tomorrow morning.  And he told me to talk to my dad.

For those of you who don't know - my dad is an OBGYN who specalized in infertility.  The family joke is after 2 years of trying I was the proof for his final exam.  But my father doesn't support my choice and is rather unpleasant about it.  So I've made the choice not to speak to him.  We haven't spoken since February 2012.

My OB knows I'm not speaking to my father so for him to tell me to talk to my dad is kind of a big deal.

Thankfully I was able to talk to my dad's old partner and a man, who was a second father to me in my childhood.

We went through my numbers; history, etc. 

The good news - he doesn't think its ectopic, my internal stuff looks good, my ovulation is good - I will get pregnant one day and hopefully soon.  He was impressed with my AMH numbers too.

But he thinks I should wait to see how the drug I took last night takes (I took misoprostol).  He thinks its still early for the drug to have worked.

If my numbers don't start taking a downturn then I should get a D&C. 

I have the heebie jeebies about a D&C - I have no logical idea why.  The word scrape in the description doesn't help.  I also grew up hearing the word D&C over and over - its what the kids of OBGYNs get to hear on the weekend. 

A D&C might be in my future.  That is what is recommended so I can get on with the next cycle as soon as possible. 

Blech - why is this not over.

The morning after

My HCG yesterday was 204.

The doctor's don't think this was doubling right so I'm on the right track.

The pills I took yesterday seem to be working.

Hopefully this will be over soon and I will start round #6 of IUI.

Results

Down and dirty -this is not a bingo. im not pregnant anymore. My body is confused and making hormones.

I had two types of sonograms.

The external didn't show anything. No fluid, sac or fetus.

And lucky me - I got an internal sonogram.

This one showed a sac. But it's not attached to anything.

The good news is that my ovaries are healthy.

So to get rid of these extra cells I'm going to go a chemical route that will basically give me some cramping and a period.

It's a very small sac so risk of infection or bleeding is minimal.

After this ill start the next cycle.

Now I shall have some coffee and soft cheese.

The Sonogram Tech is late

Bladder is full - I'm trying not to think about it.

But not easy.

No real new update

HPT this morning was positive too.

Its not getting darker - so my HCG is not dropping.

Curious what they will tell me tomorrow.

Very grateful for friends who are taking my mind off of the unknown.

Can't make plans - I'm learning to live without plans.  It's not easy but it's possible.

Today's HPT

Still positive but lighter (maybe that's a good sign)

Blood Work is Back

And my Beta is 89

This means that my HCG level has risen not doubled.

The two docs now (I'm a special case at the doctor's office) is that this isn't a viable pregnancy.  Yes, I know I completely believe that.

But now the new doc involved isn't sure if we should bother with the ultrasound.


The worry is that it is in my tubes. 

But hopefully it's not - that's the big big hope now.

Something is growing in me but it's not Bingo.

It is Earl - points to those of you who get the joke.

Morning HPT

Positive

Blood count coming soon.

Morning doctor's appointment

Leaving the doctors now.

My numbers shouldn't be where they are and I'm still pregnant.

He took blood today to see where it is.

He is hoping it goes down and then the sonogram shows on Monday I've expelled all the pregnancy cells.

If it goes up then he needs to see on the sonogram where those cells are.

If I am making a healthy fetus and just have funny numbers because I'm interesting he will see it on the sonogram.

There are no statistics for which way it will go - common wisdom and what he's seen I'm going to have a full miscarriage.

If its in my tubes then I might need to go on a drug that will clean it out but then I can't get pregnant for 3 months. This is the worst case scenario.

I get the new number tomorrow and yes I will be calling in at 8:30 am to find out.

The sonogram is on Monday at 8.

Check back daily as ill post updates as I know them.

Morning HPT

HPT = Home Pregnancy Test

I took another one this morning and it's still positive.

Strange update

I'm not sure if I should be updating folks on this but it's worrying me.

I took a pregnancy test yesterday just because and it was very positive.

I went in to the doctor and took blood.

The reasons they said I was miscarrying is a) got my period and it was normal and b) hcg wasn't doubling at the right rate and my progesterone was low (19 and 3 respectively, both should be triple numbers).

Well the number came back today and its 55. Again this isn't high but it means I'm still pregnant.

The doctor said that this is not a normal pregnancy.

I'm getting blood drawn again tomorrow and a sonogram on Monday.

I might need a D&C, I might have a great healthy fetus (could be the opposite too), could be ectopic or a number of things.

As you all know I hate liminality. Probably because I like to plan things. But as a good friend of mine told me there is no plan B. But right now no plan is the plan.

I'm surprisingly calm.

The Name Bingo

No, the legal name will not be Bingo.  I have no idea what the legal name will be boy or girl.

This Christmas I asked my goddaughter if i should have a baby (she was 3 1/2).  And she said yes. And I said what should I name the baby and she said Bingo. 

She's been saying Bingo every time I talk to her.  She wants to know where Bingo is :)

I have told her that Bingo is in heaven and waiting to come down to live in my tummy. 

Hopefully Bingo will come down in late April. :)

Round 6 begins

I start Clomid today on the 5th day of my cycle.  I take 150 mgs every day for 5 days.

It makes me blue but having Bingo will make me happy so I make the sacrifice.

Starting a Blog

First big big thanks to everyone for being so supportive of me. This isn't an easy route to be on but it's a lot easier with everyone behind me.

I'm starting a blog so there can be easier communication.  I worry about the over share and sending too many emails.   With this blog I hope to keep everyone updated but so you can know what you want to know.

Some of you want to know the blood count numbers; dr. appt; etc. and others just want to know still trying; positive; negative.  Hopefully with this you can just scroll down and find out what you want to know.

So quick background:
I've now attempted 5 intrauterine inseminations (IUIs) with donor sperm.
The last one resulted in pregnancy.  Unfortunately before the shock wore off; the HCG numbers stopped rising and I miscarried.  Because of all your love and support I'm not sad.
I'm now onto try number 6 which will be the week of April 23rd.