OMG - GMS

So I just made 4 appointments with Shady Grove and had it out with my nurse.

As you all know I have chosen NOT to get a Master's in IVF.  Why?  Because if I am going to pay $10,000 for a service I shouldn't have to become an expert.

Shady Grove does not do it better they just see more women.  I know they have a great success rate but their bedside manner sucks.

I saw the doctor - she laid things out for me; wrote things down on a piece of paper and then didn't give me that piece of paper.  BTW her face lit up when she knew I had insurance to cover this.  That is annoying.

I am supposed to go through the nurse - nice thing is that all things are in email - but when I ask a question like (who will give me my blood work results?) I have to ask it 3-4 times in email before she answers.

They have given me a list of websites - wow - I really don't want to read medical journals - I want a simple easy to understand tutorial.  There can be links to more in-depth information that I can read at my discretion.  But if I have to be monitored tell me if I have to make an appointment; how long it will take; when, etc.

They know I haven't done IVF before so they need to stop talking to me about it like I have.

I've talked it over with two other SMC friends who told me the process.  After I stamped my foot in the ultrasound room the nurse explained everything - it was good.  Why do I have to stamp my foot to get an answer I don't know.

I'm really surprised they don't have boilerplate.

She sent me a linke yesterday that Shady Grove wrote about "Demystifying IVF" - OMG it was horrible.  First it brought up more questions than it answered because items conflicted with what I was told.  Second it assumes everyone is in a hetero relationship (are they not in DC).  And three is is just marketing pulp to make IVF sound like a bed of roses and then you get a baby.

It didn't say you need to take the day off work to have the eggs retrieved.  While that might be obvious to some - why should it be to someone who hasn't done it or read anything.

I want to chill out for the next month; drink my wine (oh no one has said not to drink so I will assume I can) and meditate.  But then I get an email from someone I have never heard of saying she ordered my meds; here is the pharmacy I should call in Boston to find out more (no phone number btw) - wait what really? $4 K worth of drugs - maybe $6K that my insurance said I have to see a specific pharmacy for and she just went ahead and ordered it.

And BTW didn't introduce herself to me as in - Hi I'm Ashli - I work with your nurse and your doctor and I will be helping you fill your insanely expensive prescription.  I know this is a daunting process but I will walk you through it.

She has no idea how they are shipped to me; what the box looks like; how far in advance I should get them - then why is she there?

So I have an appointment now to take the injection class; get a mock transfer; get my pre-IVF blood and ultrasound screening.

I'm now on birth control - fun.

As expected I have not STDs or blood disorders.

This process is finite
This process is finite
This process is finite

Numbers

FSH: 4.36 - Normal FSH level. Expect a good response to ovarian stimulation.

AMH: 6.3 - it means I have a lot of eggs and confirms my PCOS.  18 months ago it was 9.9

Both of these tests were done on day 3 of my cycle

I'm doing IVF at the end of October

So after much mental wrangling, stress and anxiety I'm 100% confirmed to do IVF at the end of October.

I could do it at the end of this month but because I have been so crazy and anxious this past week it will be best for me to relax and chill this month and go full force next month.

I debated doing IUI again with Shady Grove but the success rate is 20%; for IVF its 55%

So the process:
I am going to be on birth control for the next 40 days - ahhhhhh - calm; maintained hormones - starting this Thursday.

I will go off the birth control in early October and then will start injections (from what I am told this won't be so bad)

I will go in and get check (blood and ultrasound) starting on day three and the doctors will call me that afternoon and tell me to adjust the injections; etc.

That process goes on for about 10 days; then I will be told to take the trigger injection.

36 hours after that my eggs will be pulled out of me (the good news is that my right ovary had 17 follicles and my left had 22 - for someone my age they want a total of 10 – it’s nice to be so far advanced).

Then Shady Grove will fertilize my eggs in a dish and they will be put into me 3 or 5 days later.  They like to wait until day 5 because the cells have multiplied the most.

After the fertilized egg is put in me (the goal is a single baby not twins – sorry MF and TG) I sit with my feet up and sew and laugh for 24-48 hours.  I’m going to do 48 hours because let’s increase my chances.

I’m going to take a vacation the week which I don’t have to do but want to do.  I think it will just make the whole process less stressful for me.  I won’t have to worry about work or scheduling things. 

I get my protocol later today and I have to have another test that checks my uterus a bit closer.  But good news my uterine lining is perfectly fine - the clomid didn't screw me up (the head but not the important parts).

Blood work update posted later today when I get it.


BTW - I am doing genetic testing.  Because I'm using donor sperm I don't need to worry about anything being carried by the donor.  The only thing I could be a carrier for is a thing called Fragile X which causes major mental retardation.  It would only affect my son.  There are things that can be done to screen for the right eggs so I don't pass it on.  That might be cost prohibitive.  The odds are really high I’m a carrier for anything but for $99 I can be assured I won’t pass anything on.

I got my period :(

So this cycle is out.

Shady Grove so far is nice.  I'm still edgy about it.  But I'm sure once these hormones are out of my body I'll be chipper and on a super strong planning regiment.

Thank you to everyone who supported me through this last cycle - I know I've been an anxious mess.

Next steps to be posted soon.  I'm mulling it over in my head - need to get comfortable with the idea.

Big thanks to:
MF
HR
SR
SM
HL
MO
CM
AM
DK
SK
TW
MM
BR
IS
MT
KT
CA
JF
SL
DD
NB - NLAE
JO
KG
MM
DK
TG squared
DW
EG
SA

Still no line - & Shady Grove Part 2

So now it's just wait and see for my period

Shady Grove Options
I have three options with Shady Grove.  I've started all the testing again (so much blood was drawn yesterday and I have to have two sonograms next week).

The options are:
IUI - similar to what I have been doing but there are shots
Success rate - 15%

Aggressive IUI - all the medication I take would be through shots; much more controlled
Success rate 20%

IVF - lots more invasive; lots of drugs; need to take a few vacation days; won't need to buy more sperm to keep doing this over and over because I freeze the fertilized eggs and more expensive
Success rate 55%

A lot to think about - genetic testing; freezing the fertilized eggs; etc.

I have a good friend who is helping me out - she's a godsend.

--

I will be recalling my insurance today to confirm what's covered and ask a few more questions from Shady Grove about the process.

I'll keep you all posted on what I decide.

The shady grove experience

Oy!

So two different types of IUI to try (one w a 15% success rate and similar to what I've been doing except w a trigger shot and the other much more aggressive).

Then there is IVF w a 55% success rate.

The doctor still needs to do blood work and check for a few things that he didn't check for.

The doctor also said that she would have treated me exactly the same way my doctor has.  She actually says I'm not infertile.

No plan yet - she just stepped out of the room.

She's nice - she said she does joke w her patients to not start smoking crack during this process - but she likes that my doc and I say crystal meth.

No matter what I choose I will probably have to skip September to try :(

No line

I tested 5 times.  Nothing - not even an evaporation line :(

Online Tally

43% postive
57% unsure

So now I'm getting other opinions

The current tally is:
2 don't see it at all
1 sees it but still early
2 see it but think its the evaporation line

And I've posted the photo on a site -

1 says positive
1 unsure

http://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/pregnancy-test-gallery/my-images94027

But here is the faint line

Not over until I get my period 

But see the bottom one / faint faint line right?

Yeah not a good sign

So now I just wait for my period.  Shady Grove tomorrow.

Yeah I'm blue.

Early testing

So I bought the fancy test (I had a coupon).  I have been testing since Saturday using the cheap tests.  The way the cheap tests work is the second line gets darker the more HCG (pregnancy hormone) I have in it.

Yesterday and today I swear I saw a very faint, very thin line.  Was it the light? Was it wishful thinking?  I don't know. 

When I was pregnant last I didn't see the faint line until day 14 and it got darker over time.

I'm saving the tests and lining them uptogether.  I should be able to see the line from the comparison.

If I get the questionable faint line I'm going to do the fancy test.

Shady Grove called me today to confirm.  Hopefully tomorrow I can call and cancel :)

7 day number is in

It's 17.79

Technically they want it over 10 so that is good.

But last time it was 30 and the time before that it was 27.

So I'm really bummed.  The only consolation is that this was 7 days post insemination.  It might be higher of it was today.

We'll know next week.

"Full" Slippery Pulse

Had my "sticking acupuncture" session today.  She does more moxibustion than needles.  

She said my chinese pulse was full after the session and I had a slippery pulse both times. 

She said my stomach energy is cold (I did have ice cream yesterday) and I am not to have cold foods anymore.  So now looking into warm ice cream.

She told me to eat okra and green beens.

I'm off to Tunica on Thursday (the land of the all you can eat Paul Deen Buffet) so I am bringing a lot of my own food which is better for me to eat even if its cold.  And I will drink my 12 glasses of water but it will be warm or hot.  

Testing - so you can see when I should

Wednesday Aug. 7, 2013 16 days until next period	0 dpo	Ovulation Day The egg is released and travels into the fallopian tube where it remains until a single sperm penetrates it during fertilization (the union of egg and sperm). The egg can be fertilized for about 24 hours after ovulation. If sperm does meet and penetrate a mature egg after ovulation, it will fertilize it. When the sperm penetrates the egg, changes occur in the protein coating around it to prevent other sperm from entering. At the moment of fertilization, your baby's genetic make-up is complete, including its sex.
Thursday Aug. 8, 2013 15 days until next period	1 dpo	Too early to test No home pregnancy test will work yet. If fertilized, the egg begins dividing rapidly into many cells. It remains in the fallopian tube for about three days. The fertilized egg (called a zygote) continues to divide as it passes slowly through the fallopian tube to the uterus where its next job is to attach to the endometrium (a process called implantation).
Friday Aug. 9, 2013 14 days until next period	2 dpo	Too early to test No home pregnancy test will work yet. Pregnancy tests work by detecting the hormone hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin). hCG is only made once the fertilized egg implants in the uterus. Implantation typically occurs 6 to 10 days after ovulation.
TODAY Saturday Aug. 10, 2013 13 days until next period	3 dpo	Too early to test No home pregnancy test will work yet. Implantation hasn't even happened yet! Remember, home pregnancy tests detect the hormone hCG. hCG is produced only after implantation. No implantation = No hCG = Negative test result.
Sunday Aug. 11, 2013 12 days until next period	4 dpo	Too early to test No home pregnancy test will work yet. Implantation hasn't even happened yet! Remember, home pregnancy tests detect the hormone hCG. hCG is produced only after implantation. No implantation = No hCG = Negative test result.
Monday Aug. 12, 2013 11 days until next period	5 dpo	Too early to test No home pregnancy test will work yet. Implantation hasn't even happened yet! Remember, home pregnancy tests detect the hormone hCG. hCG is produced only after implantation. No implantation = No hCG = Negative test result.
Tuesday Aug. 13, 2013 10 days until next period	6 dpo	Too early to test No home pregnancy test will work yet. Implantation may not have occurred yet.
Wednesday Aug. 14, 2013 9 days until next period	7 dpo	Too early to test No home pregnancy test will work yet. Implantation may not have occurred yet.
Thursday Aug. 15, 2013 8 days until next period	8 dpo	Too early to test No home pregnancy test will work yet. Implantation may not have occurred yet.
Friday Aug. 16, 2013 7 days until next period	9 dpo	Don't bother. Still too early!
Saturday Aug. 17, 2013 6 days until next period	10 dpo	You will likely be disappointed! Wait a few more days, if you can! hCG (the pregnancy hormone) doubles every 2-3 days during the first several weeks of pregnancy. Give it some time to build up so the test can detect it.
Sunday Aug. 18, 2013 5 days until next period	11 dpo	Tempting, but it is still best to wait! To ensure an accurate result, and minimize the risk of a false negative you would be best to wait a few more days.
Monday Aug. 19, 2013 4 days until next period	12 dpo	Hold off if you can, it's still a little early! Accuracy rate of some early detection tests range from 51%-69% for 4 days before your expected period. Make sure you read the box/instructions for individual test brand accuracy rates.
Tuesday Aug. 20, 2013 3 days until next period	13 dpo	Some early detection tests may work 3 days before your expected period. Accuracy rate of some early detection tests range from 74%-83%. Make sure you read the box/instructions for individual test brand accuracy rates.
Wednesday Aug. 21, 2013 2 days until next period	14 dpo	Some early detection tests may work 2 days before your expected period. Accuracy rate of some early detection tests range from 84%-93%. Make sure you read the box/instructions for individual test brand accuracy rates.
Thursday Aug. 22, 2013 1 day until next period	15 dpo	There are several early pregnancy tests that can be used 1 day before your expected period. Accuracy rate of some early detection tests range from 87%-95%. Make sure you read the box/instructions for individual test brand accuracy rates.
Friday Aug. 23, 2013 Expected period	16 dpo	Expected Period. This is the best day to test! You should miss your period today if you are pregnant! Accuracy rate of most pregnancy tests on or after the first day of your expected period is 99%. If your cycle length varies by a few days each month, you may still want to wait a few days before testing since you may not actually be late yet.
Saturday Aug. 24, 2013 1 day late	17 dpo	You are 1 day late - Test at will! Accuracy rate of most pregnancy tests on or after the first day of your expected period is 99%. You will likely get an accurate result if you test this day.
Sunday Aug. 25, 2013 2 days late	18 dpo	You are 2 days late - Test at will! Accuracy rate of most pregnancy tests on or after the first day of your expected period is 99%. You will likely get an accurate result if you test this day.
Monday Aug. 26, 2013 3 days late	19 dpo	You are 3 days late - Test at will! Accuracy rate of most pregnancy tests on or after the first day of your expected period is 99%. You will likely get an accurate result if you test this day.

#1 and #2 are in the Can!!!

So now the wait begins.  I get blood drawn next Wednesday to check on my progesterone.  Results in on the next day.

I start testing on the 17th.  The final results come in on August 21st I hope as its the same day as my appointment with Shady Grove.

Waiting to go in for # 2 now

#1 went well.  Everything looked right.

I have really low stress and feel very positive and tingly.

Insemination 1 in the next 30 min

Because I'm doing two - I'm going to do my first one now!!!!!

Send prayers and good vibes :)

So how about NOT talking to me about your opinions while I'm trying to get pregnant - I'm just saying

So some folks want to give me their opinions on every little decision I'm making - and that's fine.  If you know I'm doing this I trust you, I love you and I value your opinion.  But there is a timing to this and if I say "drop it" then drop it.

I am looking forward to opinions on bedding; bottles (from the pumping - JT don't worry); nappies; etc.  But I hope when I say "drop it" folks will drop it.

But some friends don't see me daily; don't talk to me daily and aren't living this with me.  They don't realize I'm on hormones to get me the happy face and that makes me "off center".

I asked in my last big post to please keep your opinions about my choices TO YOURSELF.  I need to be calm and relaxed and chill to do this.  It works better when there is no stress.

I can't question every choice 2,000 times.  There are people who do this for a living and I am TRUSTING them.  I am educated about the decisions I make but I am not getting a Masters in fertility. This part of motherhood is finite by definition.

I've gotten a fair amount of well wishes this morning which is nice.  I'm excited and relieved that I got the happy face today. I have been extremely stressed out about not getting it on the right day.

But I got a text about changing the donor.  Really??!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!  I have $1,300 worth of sperm in my living room and I should change the donor now?!?!?!??!?!  I should do what - throw this away and spend the morning going through the thousand of other options; review the profiles; review the photos and and then order another $1,300 worth; pay for the rush fee; save $50 on the 2 week tank; and just home this guys count is as nearly as good.

So let's go through this so it doesn't happen again.

1. I'M BROWN!!!!!!!!!! Nearly all the women who do this try to find a donor that matches how they look (women with a partner find someone who has a partner that looks like the partner).  I don't have a partner so I have to look for someone who looks like me.  But I'm brown which means there is barely anyone to choose from. 
• I'm mixed so I can choose either Indian, Pakistani, Bengali (all one genetic makeup as the designations are from political boundaries - but I favor Bengali technically) or Iranian/Persisan (another political distinction).
• There were NO available Indians and of the two Iranian/Persians one was 5"6' and one was 6".  I picked 6".
• And ha - my friend said "there is plenty of black sperm out there" - really?!?!??! Yeah, I have more than one friend looking for black sperm to match their partner and they are in the 5"6' or 6" feet choice world.
2. It's expensive as all get out.  There are sperm banks with a bigger selection but it costs A LOT more and it has to be shipped across the country.  The way it works now I pick up the sperm from Fairfax.  Anyone is welcome to come with me.  I could pay to have a courier deliver it or Fed Ex but that will cost $200 more.  Also if I use Fed Ex there could be an issue with delivery to my doctor's office - i.e. it gets delivered on Friday and I have to inseminate on Saturday so I still have to go and collect it and move.  It's far easier and cheaper this way.
• Sperm has also gotten more expensive.  When I started it was $380-400 (depending on sales and discounts - yes that exists - yes I find that weird) and now its $650.  
• I'm doing a double dose this time so that is where the $1300 cost comes 
• The price won't be going down but it is a buy 4 get one free.  4 Cycles - so in 3 more I get the next one free.  The last cycle I did was with free sperm.
3. I've researched this - no again I'm not getting my Masters in infertility - but I have gone through this.  I spent months deliberating on my choice.  The donor's 2 year old photo looks just like my uncle (his daughter confirmed).  
• I've been meditating on this choice for 18 months.  
4. And this sperm got me pregnant in March.  Remember the whole painful miscarriage thing that went on forever?  Yeah that sperm got me pregnant.  That sperm was able to fertilize MY egg.  So whatever his count is - it works with my egg.

Here is hoping this works so I don't have to know any more than I already do about this process.

Meditating tonight and today and until tomorrow afternoon.  

Huge exhale - happy face!!!

Curious

Who is reading this?

Send me a private email.

I'm just curious.  It's a select group that know so I'm curious who is keeping up on me from a distance.

Still no happy face

A little stressed by that but I had a really great acupuncture session this morning.  She needled everything she could that sends the energy to my ovaries.  I had 4 in my stomach and 2 in my ears.

And my juju is flowing because the parts she touched were sensitive.

Hoping I get the happy face tomorrow!

The double dose tank

Actually the two week tank they said but first time I've had the mushroom tank.

Update on my Journey

I was really gutted when I got my period.  I was hopeful but it dwindled.  I had a good cry and a lot of wine that night.

I have an appointment with Shady Grove Fertility for August 21st.  This will just be an assessment to determine my next steps.  The good news is that I might not have to go straight to IVF with Shady Grove - I might just do a different drug protocol and have more monitoring.  So that is good.  And my insurance will be covering 70% of the treatements.

Because I have a full cycle before I go to Shady Grove I am going to go one more round with my doctor.  Whoa what?!?!?!?  Yeah.  I won't have to deal with the evil one just the great two doctors that I know and love.  (I asked and she will be on vacation that week :))

I am doing the same drug clomid that I have done in the past. 

For those of you who read up on this stuff you know its not good to take so much clomid.  I know this too.  But the studies that say it's not great for you (causing cancer later in life) aren't conclusive.  Women who are already prone to cancer find themselves having to take the drug.  The other complication is that it could thin my uterine lining.  I did ask my doctor about this - there is not medical indicators that I have a thinning uterine lining and there is no medical reason to think that is what caused the miscarriage.  Because there were three methods to my miscarriage it probably wasn't a thin uterine lining.

And the big thing is I can't ovulate without assistance and know when it will happen.  This makes it very hard when I have to drive 32 miles to get the sperm and have one shot to get it in me correctly.

I did think about taking a break for one cycle but I do want to try one more time.  I've been doing this for over a year.

The reasons are:
1. I did get pregnant on this protocol
2. No medical indicators to show a thin uterine lining
3. I trust my doctor.  And he wouldn't put me on any medication that I didn't need to be on.
4. I am getting a period.  This is a strong indicator that the clomid isn't causing cysts on my ovaries.
5. If there is any uterine lining issues - they can be corrected medically by Shady Grove
6. There are no other medical protocols my doctor can do - he is the low-tech version of all of this :)
7. The research that says "clomid bad" is only on women who don't have poly-cystic ovaries (PCOS) like I do.
8. If I do nothing this cycle I'm waiting until October or maybe even November before my next try.

I am shifting one thng.  I am doing a double insemination (a double dose if you will).  I will do an insemination on the normal day and then do another the next day.  Frozen sperm doens't live as long as fresh so this ups the chance.

And lucky me the sperm cost went up by $180 since I last bought sperm in February.  This is a big payment.  But worth it.

I am being as dairy and gluten free as possible.  I've lost 5 lbs in two weeks from that.   I'm sleeping well and medidating pretty regularly.

I know some of you know more than others about the medications and protocols.  Please keep your opinions about my course of treatment to yourself.  It wasn't an easy decision and there isn't one right answer. 

I'm ready for Bingo!